It’s Better To Look Good Than To Feel Good…Or Is It?

Spread the love

Many widows and widowers are old enough to remember Fernando Lamas and Billy Crystal’s spoof impressions of him that were hilarious. They made Fernando’s quip “It’s better to look good than to feel good” famous. Was he serious? Is it possible to healing grief through fashion and appearance?

It sounded ridiculous, of course, but when I think about that statement more carefully. Maybe he had something there. Let me explain what I mean.

I spent a lot of years as a sales rep or a representative of my company as a property manager, and then as a small business owner. I had to put my best foot forward every day, whether I felt like it or not. My clients didn’t care if I had wrenched my back or had a fight with my fella just hours before.  All that mattered to them was that I was up to my best game when I interacted with them. Personal problems were just that….personal. It was up to me to put on my “game day suit” and muster for the day.

While I’m first in line to champion the idea that we need to cut grievers a lot more slack than we get, that doesn’t discount the notion that we, as grievers, have some responsibility. We need to make some effort to rally and make our interactions work too.  I’m sure, if you are reading this, you’ve felt the pressure to “get over it” and get back to normal. As if we have any idea what normal is now supposed to be.

I find, though, that just about every experience I’ve had over the years winds up being something I can draw upon years later.  Grief is no different for me.  I found, on those “off my game” days at work, that my “‘ game day” preparation helped quite a lot. By that I mean, that every day, I got up, got showered and got dressed so as to make myself as presentable to the world as I possibly could. That meant wearing clothes, office, casual or formal that fit and flattered the shape I actually have. It meant wearing colors that are cheerful. It meant wearing nothing ripped, dirty or otherwise in need of repair. By the way? I often shop at second-hand shops….it’s not impossible at all. It also meant using at least a little makeup.


Putting on your game face



While all grievers deserve their “stay in my pajamas from sun up to sunset” days, a lot of them especially early on, I find that getting up and getting my game suit on really helps my spirits. My mood and my attitude lifted as my appearance pulled me along into “normal”.  People respond and interact with me more…and better…when I look better. That lifts my spirits too. Learn more about putting your best foot forward while staying comfortable here: Staying Stylish in Widowhood & Sweatsuit Alternatives

I’ve started a Pinterest board Widows and Fashion for Who We Are Now (find it and more here to collect some ideas for staying stylish and lovely at any age and any phase. Number one accessory? A smile….even if you have to paste it on. You may say that’s phony, but I have a harder time staying down in the dumps when I have a smile on my face, phony or not. Remember that SOUND OF MUSIC song? “When the dog bites…a few of my favorite things”?  Remember whistling in the dark? It works…often, anyway. And it’s worth a try. Maybe you’ll feel good…or at least better!





And yes, just like your hometown newspaper or favorite magazine, there will be a few ads, including my own. Our aim here at Widowlution Online Magazine is to keep the content and subscriptions free, so that all widows may enjoy them. But just like you, we’ve got to pay our bills. A few ads from sponsors and for our own products & courses for lots of free articles seems fair, don’t you think? Heck, your newspaper and magazines have ads AND charge subscription fees. So really, we’re quite a bargain, right?


Disclaimer:  This blog post contains affiliate links. I research all affiliates and am careful to select only those that I believe will serve my readers well, and I often have personal experience with them. I may earn a small commission from them to keep the Widowlution Online Magazine free to all subscribers if you use these links. You will not be charged extra, and you’ll keep the bills paid so I can keep writing. It’s a win for everyone, really. For my full affiliate policy, refer to the “Meet Mary Lee” page on this website.

© 2020 Widowlution, All rights reserved.




© 2024 Widowlution, All rights reserved.