I’m grief professional. I’ve worked in this area for seven years since my own husband’s sudden death. I am so passionate about helping widows move forward in the world, and so I got some professional education and earned my Grief Coach Certification from the American Association of Christian Counselors. I did that because it was so important to me to “do no harm” as I worked with women who are so vulnerable. Doing nothing is better than doing harm.
So when this bizarre change in the way we live our lives happened, the total upending of all of our norms came along, it left me in a peculiar place. What the heck do I say??? I found I’m not alone in that, by the way. My many bereavement worker friends found themselves confounded as to how to help. We all knew our followers, our sisters in arms, were hurting and confused, but we are bewildered in this unprecedented circumstance about what indeed, would help. So there’s that.
Most of my friends are finding ways to reach out, but they tend to be the “hearts and flowers” brand of grief supporters. For those of you who have followed me for any length of time, you know that my grief coaching is more of a Cher in Moonstruck “Snap out of it!” style. The entire reason I wanted to become a grief coach was that all I could find was “hearts and flowers”. I wanted and needed somebody to cheer me on and encourage me to rebuild my life, especially as there was no choice. OK, there was one choice. To stay stuck in my grief and wallow way longer than was good for me. I wanted to find other women who also wanted to rebuild, and be that coach, that cheerleader! In this new COVID19 challenge, that style just didn’t seem timely.
And then there have been some personal challenges and diversions. Many of you know that I am the full-time caretaker for my Mother, who lives with me and is 90 now. She is not only a high-risk patient, but she has dementia. She’s been disoriented and confused with the changes in our routine. At one point that resulted in my bedroom being lit up like a stadium as she foraged for a snack at 3 am in my adjacent kitchen, as she got her days and nights turned around. I’ve also been sewing up masks like a madwoman for our local hospital. It was a good purpose and it keeps me calm. Did you know sewing lowers your blood pressure? Even more, I’ve wrangled with a broken refrigerator, dryer, and a breach in my fence by unknown marauders. All of that while nursing a slipped disk after picking my Mom up off the floor after a rare tumble.
Feel sorry for me yet? Ha ha… Don’t. We got through it and in reasonably good spirits. But forgive me at least?
I can’t think of any demographic better prepared to handle isolation for an extended period of time than widows. So staying in good humor wasn’t all that difficult for me. How about you? If we’ve been widowed for any length of time, you’ve adjusted to more alone time and probably a less active social life. You’ve adjusted because you had to adjust. There are more adjustments ahead, as our world and culture morph into a new normal. One of those changes is undoubtedly going to move us to more use of technology and video conferencing. Some of my time in confinement has been devoted to learning how to do that.
So what do you think? Shall we give video conferencing ago? It’s easy…she said confidently while holding her breath!
I’ve scheduled a free Zoom call for this Sunday night at 8 pm EST.. There will be no firm agenda (there will be time for that soon enough), just a chance to talk about confinement and some coping strategies. Tell me what you’ve been doing. What works, what doesn’t work. As always, this call and this Widowlution are a politics-free zone. Grief and widowhood do not recognize party affiliations and stirring that pot is counterproductive.
Joining a Zoom call is easy. You can do it from your laptop (my preference) or your cell phone.
Here is the Zoom link to join the webinar: https://zoom.us/j/97330862131…
If you’ve never used Zoom before, it’s simple. Copy the link and paste it in your web browser and you should be good to go. Or from the Zoom app, enter the meeting ID and password (6ZJ4yW).
Don your PJs, pour yourself a refreshing beverage, and join us…it should be fun!
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© 2023 Widowlution, All rights reserved.