Did you ever go for a walk with a destination in mind that you were determined to reach? You wanted to get there, you had to get there, but you were slowed down because of a pebble in your shoe? You didn’t want to stop to remove the pebble because you were afraid it would slow you down too much to stop? And if you just grin and bear it, you’ll get to your destination, right?
Greif healing can be like that. When a spouse dies, our entire world is changed in ways we never would have imagined. Everything is different now. We are sad, angry, bewildered, overwhelmed and so much more. In this article, we’re going to tackle getting rid of some of the obstacles to our healing. We have enough to do to grieve the loss of someone we dearly love. There’s no need to agonize over peripheral aggravators, peripheral “pebbles” that can be removed. What do I mean by that?
As our whole existence changes, there are things about that change that will always annoy us, remind us of our loss and serve to make us angry all over again. While we can’t do anything about the absence of our mate, there are changes we can make, of a very practical nature, that can remove those reminders. Here are some examples:
By now, you get where I’m going with this. While there’s not a lot we can do about some triggers, Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, Christmas and so on, but there are some things we can eliminate entirely. I’m all for that! Why suffer over things that don’t really matter, just because “we’ve always done it that way”? Doesn’t it make more sense to arrange the things in your life that you can to reduce your’ aggravation? Sometimes we refer to things that “give us grief”, meaning irritators. And they DO give us grief!
Those things will be different for everybody. Things that bother you won’t be the same things that bother your friend. What I hope you will do is to take a hard look around your world and pay attention to what upsets you and reminds you of your loss…and then see if you can’t find a solution. Find as many pebbles in your shoe and take the time to remove them. The walk will be smoother and you’ll get to your destination feeling better.
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